I'm still here...

Another long stretch between postings. Sorry but chemo kicked my butt! The first 3 months got more difficult each time. I had a treatment every 3 weeks. The first week following each treatment was especially rough. I basically slept for that week then had NO energy for the other 2 weeks. But I made it through. Now I'm on my second chemo med - Taxol. The difference is night and day. No nausea, no excessive tiredness. A little loss of appetite (not a bad thing reallly) and achiness like arthritis, but nothing as awful as the last meds. I think the worst of it is the 2 days of sneezing that follows the treatments. I have this treatment every Friday and have 8 more to go. Then I'm done. No radiation. I'll be glad to have this behind me.

Still no job. I've been applying my heart out. I have had 1 phone interview and one in person interview. I'm waiting response on both. I have been told they are waiting for the person(s) in charge. I'm getting nervous, finances are getting low.

I've done a little knitting. I worked on a couple Barbie items from Nicky Epstein's books. My daughter Rachel gifted me with a skein of Malabrigio Chunky in Navy and Lime. I made this:


It's the Mermaid Neck Warmer from "Luxury Yarn One Skein Wonders". I knit it in an afternoon. I just need to find a button for it and block it. Love the color!

Not much else going on. I'm just starting feel like doing things again and slowly I'm getting inspired to create.

It's been a long time since my last post. A lot has happened since then.


As I stated before I was diagnosed with breast cancer on 12/18/08. I was scheduled for a mastectomy on 01/22/09. To top it off I was laid off from my job on 01/16/09. What a freaking month that was.

I was dealing with the idea that I had cancer pretty well after the first shock wore off. I had arrange to take 6 weeks of short-term disability and working through chemo treatments. Financially we would be fine. I could concentrate on just getting better. Them BAM! out of the blue (but considering the economy at this time it was a total surprise) I was called in to be given the news that my position was eliminated. I wasn't singled out. At least 80 others lost their jobs that day. I believe it was just a really bad coincidence. So no, do desire to sue or feel bitter. What really sucked is that this was THE BEST job I ever had. I worked with great people, I liked what I did and the company culture suited me. It was devastating to lose that.

I made it through surgery just fine. The worst part are the drains you have to carry around for the first week. It was a relief to go to my post op appointment and be able to have them removed. Made recovery more comfortable.

Flowers from my dad and sisters. Very pretty.

Roses from my mom. She remembered that they are my favorite

My oldest daughter flew in from Michigan to spend 2 weeks with me during my recovery. I'm am so grateful that she was able to make it. Jon works nights and Rachel is gone at school and work all day so I would have been home a lone. Jessica kept me company and encouraged me to get out of the house a bit which was a god send.

Jessica and Belle

Jon did take some time off from work. He was at the hospital with me most of the time. He has been very attentive and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I can't imagine any man doing as much for his wife as Jon has done for me.

Jon, my wonderful husband.

Beyond losing the job I felt cheated out of recovery time. In order to continue unemployment I had to start looking for a job 2 weeks after surgery. The good thing is my company set us up with DBM to help us with our career transition. I sat through webinars that helped me update my resume, create a career marketing plan, interviewing skills, negotiating skills, etc. Lots of really good information.

So I've been applying for the required 5 jobs per week to keep my unemployment coming in. I've had a few nibbles on my resume' but no interviews.

In addition I began a course to help me prepare to take the Certified Associate Project Manager Certification that I hope will take my career in a little different direction.

On Wednesday I began my chemo treatments. Initially it was to be finished by the end of May. However, I agreed to be part of a study that evaluated my tumor to determine the probability of recurrence. Mine scored very high. So the doctor decided she needed to use a more aggressive course of chemo. This makes total sense. She suggested another study that would incorporated what she already planned with another drug that has promise in preventing recurrence in breast cancer. I agreed to participate. My course will last at least until the end of August and may go beyond that depending on which of the 3 groups I've been assigned to. I won't find out until the beginning of August.

This is day 2 after my first chemo treatment. I was given lots of anti nausea drugs during chemo and to take at home. So far they are working very well. I can tell if I was taking them I would be nauseous. I was told I might not feel like eating. The night we came home I had the best tasting grilled cheese sandwich I'd ever eaten and great vegetable barley soup. So far food still tastes good and appetite is there. Day two I may a coupld of eggs and toast with an apple that was pretty tastey. Still no problem. Thursday night Jon made open face turkey sandwiches with mashed potatoes and gravy. Again, best tasting dinner ever! These ideas are from our Betty Crocker Living with Cancer Cookbook and so far have been right on.

This morning I woke up at 4:46am ready to take my meds. I could feel the nausea coming on. Once up I drank a bottle of boost and stay up for about an hour until the meds made me drowsy. I ate 2 pieces of toast and honey and a banana. At that point I was ready for bed.

I woke up at 9:30am and had my one allowed cup of coffee plus a lot of water. I didn't feel like eating but felt a little hungry so I had another bottle of Boost.

10:30am time for more meds. The nausea seems a little stronger today but still bearable.

The meds definately make me sleepy, a have napped a lot yesterday and will probably today. I hope tomorrow will be better.

Jon and I took a nice long walk on Sunday and I hope to feel up to walking this weekend. Even though the chemo will last so long I'm still hoping I can do the Denver Marathon again this year. Only time will tell.

Not much knitting happening. I still need to finish Fernando's other sock. It's about a third of the way there. I worked on a couple of scarves for Jess while she was here in January. The i just kinda lost interest, just for now. I ordered to skeins from Yarntini yesterday that I thought were beautiful. I may make a pair of socks for the 2 oncology nurses who made my first day very easy.

Welcome 2009

It's the new year and I have a list of resolutions for 2009.

1. Keep active. I am going to walk the half marathon in the Denver Marathon in October of this year and I will better my time from last year. I will Get a trainer for my bicycle so I can ride while the weather is bad and I can't go outside. When the weather is nice take more hikes in the mountains.
   
2. Finish Jon's aran sweater that was started 2 years ago. In fact I need to finish several unfinished projects in 2009. I have 2 bags that I designed that need to be completed.
   
3. Arrange yarn stash and "shop" there first when starting new projects before buying new yarn. I need to minimize the amount of yarn purchased until my stash is back to "reasonable" levels.
   
4. Take golf lessons with Rachel when given the ok from Doctors. This is part of her Christmas present. I bought each of us a set of clubs so we could have a mother/daughter activity.
   
5. Take a road trip to Yellowstone National Park to camp for a few days and take hikes in the park.
6. Continue to eat better and continue to manage my weight so my recovery is easier and faster.
   

Here's to a healthier and happier 2009.

Diagnosis and holiday knitting

I've updated my profile. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I will be covering my road to recovery as well as my training, knitting and other significants events as they occur. I had an MRI on December 22. I am scheduled for my pre-op surgery appointment on January 7th, my 48th birthday.

Friday it began to sink in what all of this really means. I'm still in a bit of shock but it's sinking in. Mostly I haven't known how to feel but the anger is beginning to surface as well as sadness. Today is the first time that I feel fear. But I also feel like waiting another week and a half to find out what my options are is wasting precious time. I just want to start the treatment so I can get on with my life. I hate inactivity, it makes feel like we're losing opportunities and that it will take longer than it needs to. Let's get MOVING!!!!!!! According to everything I've read so far, waiting isn't really a bad thing. It's not an immediate danger. It gives me time to research so I can make informed decisions about my treatment. But I'm still feeling impatient.

Treatments have changed a lot since my grandmother had breast cancer (around 1958). We actually have options and treatment is not as debilitating as it once was for most of us. It's reassuring to know that I won't miss much work and I will be able to continue doing most of the things I love to do without long term interruption.

The bad news is my trip to Floriday to run in the Inagural Disney Princess half marathon is not going to happen. It also means I won't be able to run in the Ft. Collins half marathon in May. However, I will be able to do the Denver Half Marathon again in October. I was hoping to run, but I will walk again. If I work really hard I will be able to beat my time from this year.

I've been doing a lot of knitting for the holidays and to keep busy. I made a "Just Enough Ruffles" scarf for a co-worker.


A pair of "Fetching" mitts for another co-worker.


And a pair of manly socks for yet another co-worker. I've modified the pattern a bit from the original.

Here is Belle safeguarding the Smooshy Sock yarn that I used for this project. It's the nicest sock yarn I've worked with so far. I will be using it more often. I have pictures of the first sock in progress on my Ravelry account (nvandevender)and the notes regarding my modifications. I will post finished socks later. I actually have one more to knit. I wanted to make sure they fit before I finished both. The other will be finished in about a week.

I've also started a Noro striped scarf for no one in particular, just some mindless knitting for passing time. I'm about 50% finished. I need to save the rest to work on next week at the Doctor's office as I will be a long day. They told me about 4 1/2 hours not counting the wait in between the 2 appointments. This scarf will be perfect for passing time.

Great American Smokeout!®

"Successful and unsuccessful people do not
vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in
their desires to reach their potential."
- John Maxwell

I quit smoking 10 years ago. However, today I pledge to give up chocolate and junk food for 24 hours to empathize with all smokers trying to quit. I know it’s hard I “quit” 5 or 6 times before it was permanent. You can do it! Just like losing weight if you fall off the wagon just get on again. Don’t beat yourself up. We are human we make mistakes. We just have to learn from them and move forward.
Good luck to all of you future non-smokers.

I haven’t been eating as well as I was before the ½ marathon. My legs felt like lead and my stomach felt a little queasy at times during my walk/run. I think it’s a result of my diet. It’s time to get serious about the Paleo Diet. No more processed sugar, dairy or grains. I will have to wean myself off grains slowly. Sugar is less of a problem and I don’t eat much dairy anymore. I switched to soy milk a long time ago.

The Paleo Diet restricts a lot of the foods we eat. It's based on research that our dietary needs are the same as our caveman ancestors. They were hunter-gatherers and did not eat agricultural products likes cereal grains, dairy or even salt. The diet is primarily meats, fruits, vegetables, healthy fats, seeds and nuts. To me it seems logical to eat this way.

Tuesday’s workout was 35 minutes on the recumbent stationary bike. I used the cardio setting at level 6 and was able to maintain an 80 rpm cadence throughout the workout. I planned to get up early to do 30 minutes of weight training but woke with a killer sinus headache. I probably should have done the weight training when I got home but didn’t. I don’t really have a good excuse, I just didn’t do it.

Wednesday’s workout was another 32 minutes of 3:1 intervals in the dark. It was really cold last night but it hadn’t started snowing yet. I debated for an hour about actually going out in the cold. I finally convinced myself that if I don’t keep up with these workouts I won’t be able to maintain at least a 16 minute mile pace in the Disney Princess half. If you don’t they pick you up and drive you to the finish. I don’t want that to happen. So, after much debate with myself, Jon and I headed out to the track at 7:00pm. I started by walking for 5 minutes to warm up. Jon signaled me by blowing a whistle when it was time to begin the 3:1 intervals. He signaled me every time I needed to change pace. It works really well ‘cause I don’t have to think about anything but “keep moving”.

Today is a rest day from training but not from knitting. I still have Jessica’s scarf to finish and many other unfinished objects in the knitting queu.

running and knitting

Today I add running to my workouts. I’ve been holding back trying not to add too much too soon. Now today is the day.

I missed about a week’s worth of workouts because I got my flu shot which gave me the flu. But, thanks to Emergen-C and Zicam it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. But I still missed a lot of work out time.

I did manage to get a 4 mile walk and two 45 minutes walks in last week. My pace was slower than it had been but that could just be because I was sick.

But today I get to start running. The scheduled workout is 5 minute warm up, 3 minutes brisk walk, 1 minute run 8 times, 5 minute cool down. Then weight training. Because the is not lighted I will do 1 lap at a brisk walk and ½ lap run 8 times with the warm up and cool down instead. The times should be about what is prescribed and I don’t have to worry about trying to see my watch. DH is coming with me because he doesn’t like me working out in the dark alone.

I’ve got a little area set up in the basement for light weight training. It will be a very basic routine for now. I’ve been learning about crossfit and crossfit endurance as workout options and plan to incorporate them into my workouts. I’ve read blogs of people who love the workouts and have gotten amazing results. They look hard but because of the variety I think it would keep the workouts interesting.

I have been knitting too. Being sick is a good time to quietly knit when you don’t want to sleep any more. I’m just about finished with Jessica’s scarf. I picked up some Mirasol yarn last year using a gift certificate I won in a knit along. I love the colors! Jessica likes them too. The scarf is already taller than me (5’10”). It will easily be over 6 feet by the time I’m finished.

The scarf is really 2 different shades. The dye lot is the same but because it is hand dyed there are variations in the colors. The tag said to alternate skeins every few rows while knitting to eliminate the obvious variations but I did not pay attention. When I discovered this I decided that I didn't care about the difference and I really don't think it's that big of a deal. It makes the scarf more interesting. Yep. You betcha.


I really like this simple pattern. It's reversible, which is really nice.

I’ve just ordered some Noro Silk Garden to make Brooklyn Tweed's Noro scarf that I saw on Yarn Harlot’s blog.

I've started this one with Kuryeon that I had in my stash. I had 3 skeins so I had to order a 4th to complete the scarf.



Bear has a time resisting my bamboo knitting needles. He loves to chew on them and has decimated the tips of several so much that even sanding them down does not help.

Wool is also a temptation to this guy. He just can't keep his paws off the stuff.

But he's so cute, it's hard to stay mad at him.

Coach's Notes:
As important as it is to let your body heal, it's just as important to let your mind and spirit heal. Completing a marathon can be a life changing experience. Through the training, you may have had to confront parts of your soul that you never knew you had.

You probably also discovered a strength and tenacity in yourself that you didn't know you had either. You did it, despite the odds. You trained, you prepared, and you were successful. You need time to let the emotional changes set in. If you don't, you won't get the full measure of benefit from your accomplishment.


This is the message in my training notes today. I did it, despite the odds. I trained, I prepared and I was successful.

I am reminded that strong as I’ve become I need to allow myself time to heal from this latest adventure. It’s been difficult to hold back and not train harder right now. I have always enjoyed pushing myself physically and have surprised myself at how quickly I am able to progress, however, I need to give this poor body a chance to recover so I can safely train for my next big challenge.

The most difficult part of the whole process was miles 10, 11 and 12 of the race. The last mile felt great as the adrenaline started to kick in as I realized I was almost finished. The real pain didn’t hit me until after I had finished. I kept walking but it became more and more difficult. I limped through the rest of the day until I had my massage. The most important thing I learned from this is to make sure you get a massage after the event. I could barely walk until after my massage. After the massage I felt no pain and never had lingering ill affects. The difference was truly amazing.

I expect training to become more difficult as I add running to my walks, especially the longer walk/runs on the weekends. In order to make the final miles less taxing I intend to hit the full 13.1 miles at least once prior to the event this time. There are arguments for and against this. I believe that as long as I move to that distance slowly and not increase my weekly mileage by more than 10% and taper enough before the race I will be fine.

I really look forward to my nightly walks. I missed 2 walks last week and felt tired during my walk on Saturday. Last night I felt really good and walked 17:24 minute miles, a full minute faster than I was walking during my low intensity workouts prior to the half. Tonight I’m scheduled to walk for 40 minutes then off on Wednesday.